Before news of the dramatic find unearthed by a tourist staying at Chabil Mar leaks out, it is incumbent upon us to deliver a warning to anyone intending to investigate this story on their own. Don’t approach Chabil Mar on April 1st—even if someone dares you to do so—because you could put yourself into a serious and dangerous situation, especially if you’re female.
It’s hard to miss this rather ugly, scaly creature since he’s about the same size as a contemporary crocodile and while he doesn’t speak English, he has made it clear that he is on a mission to bring his species back from extinction. In order to figure out exactly why he crawled up on the Chabil Mar beach, we hired a linguist specializing in Iquanise to find out how he intends to do that.
The answer was unsettling: He has returned with reproduction on his mind and wants to show the scientific world that it’s possible to bring a species back that has disappeared off the face of the earth. This accomplishment would, if possible, make Belize the world’s capitol of species regeneration!
The translator was astonished to discover that this giant reptile’s only goal is to find a mate quickly. Because this iguana’s mission is so specific, we’re asking all Chabil Mar guests to remain indoors on what he has declared to be his specific day to mate: April 1st. Once midnight passes, it will be safe to go out and all women are invited to come to the beach bar for free champagne and hors d’oeuvres.
“We’re doing this for the safety of our guests,” said Marketing Manager Larry France. He plans to be on hand at midnight to pass platters of snacks and pour champagne. “We intend to celebrate having come through this nightmare and we will toast the fact that there will be no iguana babies come New Year’s Day when they would ordinarily be expected to hatch out.”
“We’re also doing this as a prank!” adds France, who takes all of the credit for coming up with this far-out April Fool’s Day joke, so feel free to roam wherever you like at Chabil Mar on April 1st. Unless, of course, you run into an oversized iguana, at which point, Larry wants to hear from you!
